Liberi Fatali
by ladyeclectic
Summary: Shepard thought she was alone in this new fight, the weight of worlds again on her shoulders. As she gains new allies and learns who she can depend on - and who she can't - she must battle demons from the farthest edges of space...and those within.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the copyright of Bioware Games LLC. I own none of the rights to these characters, but love messing with them and their stories._

A/N: This is a retelling of Mass Effect 2, now with a renegade Shepard, PTSD, a real love triangle (not any passive-aggressive stuff), mind-f*ck issues, and no Yeoman Chambers. Yes, I didn't like the nosy twit but couldn't make myself let her get liquified. I'm a total soft touch like that...

**=-=-=-=-=-=-=**

**1**

Gangs, human or alien, were the same across the universe.

I'd had enough experience growing up around these kinds of thugs on Earth to know better than to back down when someone tried to intimidate me - I stared at the Krogan Blood Pack leader, arms folded across my chest. He was almost a full head taller than me and weighed at least five times my weight; my intention wasn't to intimidate him, just prove that he didn't intimidate me.

The Krogan had taken a smartass comment I'd made personally; he had charged, stopping inches from me when I didn't budge an inch. Alien faces were still hard for me to read despite my recent experiences with my current companions, but I met his glare eye to eye until, finally, he grunted, turning aside and waving his hand dismissively. "Aren't we paying you to do something other than bother me?" the Krogan muttered, staring morosely across the area.

"Damn, Shepard," Jacob whispered behind me as we exited the room. There was more than a little awe in his voice.

I ignored the comment. His words only served to remind me that I had two Cerberus operatives watching my back, something that made me uncomfortable but couldn't be helped. Jacob, to me, was more dangerous than Miranda: he was ex-Alliance, insisted he was a "good guy" and wanted me to trust him - and dammit, I wanted to. Going into battle unable to rely on who had your back was more than a little uncomfortable. Both operatives said they'd follow my commands, but it didn't take a genius to know who really pulled their strings - the same man whose organization had brought me back to life. That thought was still almost more than I could wrap my brain around, so I chose to ignore it as well.

"I still think we should be going after the doctor first," Miranda said behind me as the sound of gunfire intensified. "Our need for him is more urgent than another soldier."

Resisting the urge to round on the woman and give her a piece of my mind was difficult. Fortunately for her I noticed the gunship then and moved that direction; Miranda and Jacob made their way to the barriers in front of the bridge as I was let in to see the engineer.

He seemed like a nice enough guy, at least for a merc. He answered my questions, then ordered the assault to begin right as I spied the arc welder. His back was turned to me as I picked it up, too focused on his job fixing the airship.

I almost felt guilty killing him. Almost.

Miranda and Jacob were waiting by the barrier as I came up. "Looks like Archangel doesn't have much time," Jacob observed, watching the people moving across the barrier onto the bridge.

"Well, let's not wait around too long."

For the first time, I agreed. The corner of my mouth twitched into an almost-smile as I pulled my gun around to the ready. I'd been itching for a fight since first learning who I was apparently now working for; seemed this was as good as I was going to get for the time being. "We'll give these guys a surprise of our own."

It was pathetically easy getting across that bridge. My shields got pinged twice by sniper fire from above but I didn't blame Archangel; he couldn't know we were there to save him. It felt wrong shooting the merc arming the bomb in the back; the others returned fire so I didn't care so much about their deaths. I was glad I'd broken that kid's gun earlier in Afterlife: if I'd had to shoot him it might have haunted me a bit longer.

The mercs behind the bridge had to have realized by now that we'd switched sides, so I kept barriers between me and that area as I made my way up the stairs. Guns drawn, not knowing what kind of reception we'd get from our target, we entered the large room carefully. Bunks on the far side of the room were shot to hell already as were several of the couches dotting the open area nearest us. Archangel was positioned along the far wall, his back to us, his concentration through the sniper scope the bridge and beyond. I frowned; it was an atypical response to the presence of anyone he may have mistrusted. Cautiously, I lowered my gun. "Archangel?"

He held up his hand, an acknowledgment and motion for silence, then focused his sights on a target. The report of the high powered rifle echoed through the hall and I knew his weapon had found its target. He paused, checking for anyone else he may have missed, then uncurled slowly from his position and turned to face us. He laid his helmet beside him, leaning back against a nearby crate, his rifle propped beneath his leg.

My lips parted in surprise. I took a step forward, unsure if my eyes were playing tricks on me. It couldn't be...

"Shepard." Garrus Vakerian's voice sounded tired. "I thought you were dead."

Joy surged through me, and my face split with a huge grin. "Garrus! What are you doing here?"

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."

I couldn't stop grinning: the surprise of seeing a familiar, _trusted_ face was more of a relief than I could have imagined. "What are you doing on Omega?"

Garrus shrugged a shoulder. "I got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel. Figured I could do more on my own. At least it's not hard to find criminals here. All I have to do is point my gun and shoot."

The melancholy of his tone finally penetrated and my smile faltered. "You okay?" I asked, concern replacing my previous elation.

"Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face." He lowered his gaze, lost in thought. "Killing mercs is hard work. Especially on my own."

"Since when did you start calling yourself Archangel?"

"It's just a name the locals gave me. For all my good deeds. I don't mind it, but please... it's just "Garrus" to you."

I still couldn't believe my eyes. Something had changed with Garrus; I could hear it in his voice, see it when he moved. Another reminder that I'd been gone far longer than it felt. I didn't want to face it, but I couldn't help but wonder what else had changed while I was being rebuilt. "How'd you manage to piss off every major merc organization in the Terminus Systems?"

"It wasn't easy. I really had to work at it." He gestured with a shoulder toward the bridge. "I am amazed that they teamed up to fight me. They must really hate me."

Now wasn't the time to ask about the melancholy burr in his voice. I shook my head. "Damn, Garrus, but it's good to see you." I couldn't stop smiling, and I saw his mandibles pull back in a reaction I'd come to learn equated to his own smile. Rotating my shoulder and giving him a mock glare, I added, "You nailed me good a couple times, by the way."

"Concussive rounds only. No harm done. Didn't want the mercs getting suspicious."

I looked at him askance. "Uh-huh."

"If I wanted to do more than take your shields down, I'd have done it. Besides," he added, his voice taking on more of the teasing quality I remembered, "you were taking your sweet time. I needed to get you moving."

I gave an amused snort then shrugged, getting serious again. "Well, we got in here but I don't think getting out will be as easy."

He nodded. "That bridge has saved my life, funneling all those witless idiots into scope. But it works both ways. They'll slaughter us if we try to get out that way."

"So we just sit here and wait for them to take us out?" Miranda's voice from behind me was a jolt back to reality, reminding me where I was. Most of my happiness vanished - just because Garrus was here didn't mean everything was suddenly back the way it was before.

"It's not all that bad," Garrus replied but didn't take his eyes off me. I had the feeling he knew exactly what I was thinking, or at least a close approximation. "This place has held them off so far, and with the three of you... I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances." The alien shrugged. "It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan."

My smile was unpleasant. "I didn't like sneaking anyway. Time to spill a little merc blood."

Garrus gave a low chuckle. "Glad to see you haven't changed. Let's see what they're up to." He peered through his gun across the bridge as I came up beside him. "Looks like they know their infiltration team failed." He handed me the rifle. "Take a look. Scouts; Eclipse, I think."

I frowned at what I saw through the scope. "That looks like a lot more than scouts," I said, handing back over the rifle.

"Indeed. We'd better get ready. I'll stay up here, I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point. You... You do what you do best. Just like old times, Shepard."

"Oh no, you're not getting rid of me that easily." I turned to Jacob and Miranda. "Take positions downstairs, and make sure none of those mercs make it past the bridge. I'll stay up here and pick them off with Garrus."

It was easy to tell Jacob didn't like the idea; his brow furrowed at the order but he said nothing, just saluted. Miranda accepted the directions readily enough and both headed toward the stairs as I switched guns.

"I see you have new friends."

A sharp glance at Garrus saw he was staring at the bridge; I couldn't read his expression. "Not friends," I corrected, readying my own sniper rifle. It wasn't as high-tech as the one Garrus was holding, but it would get the job done. "You're not the only one with problems."

"It has been two years Shepard." Garrus glanced my way. "A lot has changed while you were away."

"Like you?" The urge to take back the words was there the moment they left my mouth, but the alien just shrugged. His mandibles twitched however, telling me I'd struck a nerve. "Look," I said, "buy me a drink later and we can fill each other in on all the gory details."

"Here they come." He hadn't answered my question; whether it was because of the situation at hand or that he no longer trusted me I didn't know, but it hurt.

We spent the next several minutes taking out the mercenaries coming across the bridge one by one. It was obvious why Archangel held this spot so long: the job was like shooting fish in a barrel. Jacob and Miranda, for their part, held their own in the battle as well; the few who managed to get past our sniper fire were taken out or Thrown backwards onto the bridge again, where we took them down. It was morbidly amusing to see the shock on the faces of the Eclipse mercs when their own heavy mech turned its considerable firepower on them instead of us.

I noticed that Garrus was taking down more mercs than me, which soured my mood a bit. This new body was too rusty for my liking.

The wave had stopped and the two Cerberus operatives had only just entered the room again when the ground shook beneath us. "What the hell was that?" Miranda asked.

Garrus checked his omni-tool. "Dammit, they've breached the lower levels. They had to use their brains sometime. Better get down there Shepard."

"I'm not leaving you alone up here," I countered. "Miranda, you stay and help Garrus with the bridge."

"You sure Shepard? Who knows what you'll find down there?"

I snorted. "Thanks for the vote of confidence but I can take care of myself. Jacob, with me."

"The shutters at the main entrances should be thick enough that it should keep them out of here long enough for us to escape."

I didn't waste any more time, just nodded then started toward the stairs, Jacob right on my heels. I wasn't even at the bottom of the staircase when I heard the sniper rifle begin shooting.

A few times in the ensuing fight I briefly regretted leaving Miranda behind; it wasn't anything I couldn't handle but there were more than a few close calls. Jacob was pretty good in a firefight though; twice he Lifted an enemy I hadn't seen coming right before they reached me.

I could give him respect for his combat skills, but I didn't have to like it.

We got back to topside in time to see Garm and his men heading up the stairs straight for Garrus and Miranda. I'd long since switched up my weapon to the assault rifle and mowed my way through the opposition, getting up those stairs as fast as I could. Sure enough Garm had both Garrus and Miranda pinned, his shields making it difficult for their gunfire to penetrate. I changed over my rounds to incendiary and let the Krogan have it, taking cover only when my own shields began to fail as his attention was switched to me. There was a shimmer as the Krogan's shields failed, then Jacob blasted him back with a biotic Throw; before the gangleader could get back on his feet the rest of us made short work of his prone body until it was little more than a corpse.

Certain the firefight was over I stood up from my cover, only to see Garrus swing his gun in my direction. At the same time I heard a Krogan charging bellow behind me. I brought my gun up and turned just as two rapid shots from the sniper rifle whistled past my face, close enough that I could feel the air ripple; by the time I had my gun aimed at the Krogan Bloodpack gang member it was already falling forward dead. I stared at the corpse at my feet, then flicked a sideways glance at Garrus. "Nice shot."

His only response was another half shrug. Smug bastard, I thought in amusement.

"This day just gets better and better." Garrus nudged the body of Garm with his foot, satisfaction in his voice. "He was one tough son of a bitch."

"Only the Blue Suns are left." I tilted my head toward the bridge. "I say we take our chances and fight our way out."

Garrus nodded and started to say something, but the hum of an engine came from my right - suddenly glass shattered and bullets were zinging all through the air around us. Everyone dove for cover as Garrus shouted, "I thought I took that thing out already!"

"They fixed it," I yelled back over the gunfire, "but not completely. I made sure of that." I couldn't get a shot in edgewise; the gunship's firepower was too quick and all encompassing, seeming to be everywhere at once. The instant it stopped I was up and aiming but it was gone from that window, moving into position directly in front of me. Cursing loudly, I scrambled for another cover as it opened up on my previous position. Garrus was making short work of sniping incoming mercs but even he was pinned down from the gunship's fire. Then it pulled out, leaving a wave of mercs pouring in from the outer windows.

The four of us quickly finished off the remaining gang members but one managed to get through Jacob's shields and he went down. Miranda stayed in the fight but as soon as the last merc was down she was at his side tending to the wounds. I moved toward the stairs to make sure nobody else was on the lower levels as Garrus checked the area overlooking the bridge, then I heard the whir of the gunship's engines again. Racing back into the room I arrived just in time to see Garrus getting pelted by the bullets. "Garrus!"

He struggled to pull himself to safety behind a crate, with the Blue Suns leader screaming at him through the loud speakers. "You think you can screw with the Blue Suns!? This ends now!" Then the crate, and Garrus, were blown backwards into the middle of the room.

My heart in my throat I rushed back into the room and slid behind another crate, whatever good it would do me. I couldn't see Garrus well enough to know his injuries but he wasn't moving, and the pool of blue blood was rapidly expanding. Rage suffused me; I threw down the assault rifle and grabbed the grenade launcher, firing everything at the gunship. I barely noticed Miranda and Jacob taking positions beside the large window but kept firing, ignoring the beating my shields, then my armor, was taking. When I ran out of grenades I switched back to the assault rifle, unloading on the gunship and refusing to acknowledge the damage I was taking even as the world started turning red.

A flash split the ship, then it exploded and fell sideways to the bridge below. Utterly spent, I collapsed onto one knee as Miranda rushed over, delivering a hefty dose of the medi-gel; my shields immediately recharged and my body began to repair itself. I stumbled to my feet, then made my way carefully to where Garrus lay still as death. My whole body tense, not wanting to confirm what I was thinking, I knelt slowly beside the alien, afraid to touch him.

A gurgling gasp came from him, shuddering his body. "Garrus!" I exclaimed, putting my hand to his shoulder.

The alien's hands feebly palmed the sniper rifle, trying to pick it up, then collapsed again. He rolled over and my stomach curled: half his face had been blown off. His breathing was uneven and wet, his movements jerky and weak.

I put a hand to his head, feeling the rough scaly skin beneath my gloves. "We're getting you out of here Garrus. Just hold on."

His hand came up and cupped my elbow, the grip light and unsteady. I grabbed his hand in mine as I ordered, "Radio Joker, make sure they're ready for us."

"We'd better hurry." Jacob's voice sounded grim. "He looks bad."

"Come on, stay with me buddy," I whispered, stroking his head as Miranda radioed the Normandy. "I can't lose the only friend I have left. Don't leave me alone again."

Garrus choked in a breath, shuddering, and something in me broke. "JOKER, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Garrus continued to spasm in my arms and the only thing I knew to do was hold him, praying to whatever God or gods were in the universe to help him.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

"Commander." Jacob's voice was subdued, sad. "We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit."

I stared down at the table beneath me, trying to prepare myself for the news. Doctor Chakwas had made me leave the sickbay, insisting I was hindering the care she was trying to give the Turian. Since then I'd buried myself in the work of the ship, mission reports, research - anything to take my attention away from that part of the ship. My mind, however, continued to play those last few seconds over and over in my head and I couldn't help wondering if there was anything I could have done to change the outcome.

My eyes started to burn, which only served to piss me off. I needed to get myself together - there was no way I was going to cry in front of Cerberus.

"The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell he'll have full functionality, but..."

I looked up at Jacob, latching on to that bit of news: Garrus would survive. Before I could ask any questions however the doors to the room swished open, interrupting us. I looked up just in time to see Garrus saunter in, the familiar swagger back in evidence.

"Tough son of a bitch." There was respect in Jacob's voice. "Didn't think he'd be up yet."

I had to bite my cheek not to grin like a loon. I had already embarassed myself before with my exuberant reaction; Garrus hadn't seemed quite so happy to see me, a fact that I'd been going over and over in my head. That memory helped me stay stoic, for the most part; I couldn't stop my lips from turning up in what I hoped was only a pleased smile.

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?"

The vanity in the question only served to amuse me; Garrus had always been confident about his "looks". I folded my arms and leaned against the table as I answered, "Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some paint on there and no one will even notice."

The Turian started to laugh then gave a pained grunt. "Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is." He gave a little snort. "Some women at least find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan..."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Sarcasm was still his response of choice; some things never changed.

Jacob saluted me in familiar Alliance fashion, then exited the room. Garrus watched as left, a subtle change coming over his face after the Cerberus operative was gone. Turians were difficult to read at the best of times but if I had to guess I would say it was displeasure. "Frankly, I'm more worried about you." Concern tinged his voice. "I've heard bad things about Cerberus these past few years."

"Right now they're a necessary evil." The words tasted bitter even as I said them. "I need their resources to get this done."

He didn't seem pleased by my response but it was hard to tell. "I'm fit for duty whenever you need me Shepard. I'll settle in and see what I can do at the forward batteries."

My heart twisted but I managed to keep my face impassive, only nodding as I watched him leave the room. The doors swished closed behind him but I stayed behind, just staring down at the table and my hands. I closed my eyes, trying to get my jumbled thoughts in order but it was an impossible task; too many questions, not nearly enough answers. Had the Illusive Man lied to me about knowin who Archangel really was before he sent me? Had I lost the trust of one of my staunchest allies by choosing to affiliate myself, however "nobly", with the human organization? Seeing Garrus had only brought to bear how much I needed to see the others in my crew: Aidan, Liara, Captain Anderson, even Wrex. First Tali's mistrust, now Garrus': would I meet with this kind of resistance from every one of my former teammates?

I didn't think I could take that.

It was several minutes before I finally left the room, but my heart was no lighter than it had been when I'd first entered.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

My body screamed for rest but I forced myself to do a last round of the ship, meeting individually with each of the different sections and getting myself used to the new Normandy's layout. It was a bigger ship than the Normandy 1 had been; I actually got lost for a spell in Engineering (which embarassed me to no end) but promised to get the couplings the two engineers needed before heading to the crew quarters. The mess captain persuaded me to look for some provisions on the Citadel and I made a mental note, after speaking to Chakwas, to look into finding the good doctor some brandy. I paused a moment, staring down the gangway towards where I knew Garrus would be, then headed into Miranda's office.

She seemed pleased to have me come by. Her mood wasn't quite as closed off as it had been previously - she was quite open in fact - but when she told me she was updating the Illusive Man on our progress a chill went through my body. I kept my feelings to myself, letting her tell me what she would about her past, but I couldn't get past her loyalty being first to Cerberus, then me. We agreed that we needed to find the Doctor, but I didn't answer her as to when we would be going.

I didn't even realize where I was going until I had already triggered the door to the forward battery. The doors swished open and I stared ackwardly at Garrus, unsure what to say.

"Shepard. Need me for something?"

"Have you got a minute?" My voice seemed timid to my ears; I pulled myself upright, walling myself off from the chaotic emotions.

"Sure, just checking the weapons systems. You can never be too careful."

I moved over to the railing, leaning against it while still listening to Garrus. He eyes followed my every move, shifting his body so he gave me his full attention. "Cerberus seems to have added a few upgrades to the Normandy designs. "I thought I'd seen every weapon available in our fight with Saren. Mercenary work showed me otherwise. Wish we'd joined them sooner."

"Everyone on the new crew working with you?"

"As well as anyone from Cerberus can be friendly with an alien. And they've got you vouching for them. I can't exactly doubt your judgment, not after I got my own squad killed."

"What happened to you Garrus? How did you get on Omega?"

"I got tired of all the politicking on the Citadel; nobody wanted to take any risks. Omega was filled with bad guys; people here needed someone to believe in, someone to stand up to local thugs." He began to pace. "I started doing some good. People noticed, and pretty soon I had people wanting to help me. Mercs who wanted to atone, security tired of playing by dirty rules. I gave them hope." He looked off to the side. "Then I got them killed." He looked up at me. "I've read your history, I know you understand some of what I'm feeling."

An old wound tore open a little; names and faces flooded my memory. Yes, I did understand: I had the dubious title of "War Hero", the only one to survive an assault that killed the rest of my team, and for that I would never forgive myself. "What happened?"

"One of my people betrayed me." He moved to the far side of the gangway; I followed and stopped by the terminal. "A Turian called Sidonis lured me away just before mercenaries attacked my squad. Everyone except me is dead because of him, and because I didn't see it coming." He looked down, then straightened. "I lost my whole team, except for Sidonis." The strength was back in his voice, and a fire in his eyes I hadn't seen before. "One day I'll find him and correct that."

"When the time comes, I'll help you however I can."

"Thank you." There was a wealth of emotion in those words, at least for a Turian.

I nodded, not knowing what else I could say. We both had our own problems; it didn't seem right for me to burden him with any more. "You have work to do," I said, turning to leave, "I won't keep you from it."

"Shepard."

The Turian's voice was gentle and I turned back around. "You came to see me," he said in the same soft voice. "I doubt it was solely to have me unburden myself on you."

"I don't..." I choked on the words and looked away. When I looked back he was still gazing at me, patience and understanding in his eyes. I was tired, and my emotions were chaotic again; it was hard to keep myself together. "Less than a week ago I watched as my ship was destroyed, then I wake up in a _Cerberus_ facility being told I had died and been brought back to life, and that once again humanity's fate rested on my shoulders." It was hard to keep looking the Turian in the eye as I remembered the stress I'd been under - was still under. "I was told two years had passed and my friends had dispersed to who knew where, convinced I was dead. I was given a team of people who I can't bring myself to trust and a mission that, while noble, seems to hold ulterior motives." I drew in a shuddering breath, then looked Garrus square in the eye. "I need to have someone I can trust at my back, a friend I can... that I can lean on. I need to know if you still trust me." My voice cracked on the last word, dammit.

Two steps and he was at my side. I had to look up to see his face, he was so close. "Shepard." He made sure he had my attention before continuing. "I trust you with my life and the lives of those I hold close." He reached out and held my shoulder gently, his talons digging in but not hurting me. "If you need me for anything, know that I will always be at your side, no matter what we're going into."

I swallowed. Oh god, I was about to cry. Gritting my teeth together, body tense, I managed to nod and step back; Garrus leg go of my arm, staying where he was. I took a deep breath, then one more. "I need you to have my back tomorrow in Omega. I'll have my assistant forward you the dossier of the Doctor we're going to find."

Garrus nodded. "Tomorrow then, Shepard."

Another nod, then I turned around and exited the weapons area. I never heard the doors close behind me but didn't look back to see what might be the cause.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

"I changed my mind. You're not coming in there with me."

"Yes I am."

Garrus' calm voice only served to make me angry. "I refuse to let you die from some plague. Humans remain unaffected; you don't have to come."

"If the doctor is as good as you say then he will have a cure for it." Garrus stared at me with typical Turian implacability, face utterly unreadable.

I stepped in close, lowering my voice. "Forget about what I said last night. I may not be able to trust them but at least I can trust I'm not leading them into certain doom."

"So you'd rather take Cerberus operatives into an area with a non-Human plague, and 'trust' they won't take secret samples to send back to their boss, or that they won't download any information the good doctor may be researching himself?"

My resolve faltered; he was right, dammit. Right now this plague was isolated to one section of one space station; I could only imagine what might happen if Cerberus got their hands on it. There'd probably be several containment "accidents" across the galaxy. Comparing an entire galaxy worth of people to one Turian... "Damn you, Garrus, don't you dare die on me in there."

"Wouldn't dream of it." The cocky arrogance was back as he slung his rifle to his shoulder. "I believe the human saying is, 'Ladies first'?"

I gave him a dirty look as I signalled to have the doors opened by the guard. The look on Jacob's face was dubious as he came along side me. "Are you absolutely certain you want him along, Commander?" he asked.

"Do as your told, Taylor, or you're off my team," I snarled.

Jacob's face registered a very brief moment of anger, then resignation. "Yes, Commander."

I wanted to rail at him for not fighting back, but like me he was a soldier and used to taking orders. I was in the perfect mood for a fight and checked the ammo cartridge on my gun. "Let's go, and be quick about it."

Unfortunately, the going wasn't as quick as I had hoped for. We passed Vorcha and Blue Suns mercs almost the entire way and had to fight our way through. The area map systems along the walls were offline (or non-existant) in the slums; there were rudimentary signs pointing the way but they were few and far between. By the time we reached the dying Batarian we'd already been in the slums for several hours.

Despite my urgency, however, I couldn't just leave the alien to his fate. I kept my temper about me until managing to heal him somewhat with a medi-gel, and was rewarded with information about which direction to go.

Then Garrus began to cough behind me, and my urgency to find the clinic intensified.

The Blue Suns and Vorcha weren't making it easy. Garrus managed to keep up with Jacob and I but began to miss some of his shots - not enough for me to comment about (and I wouldn't dream of it) but I knew he was in a bad way. He stumbled once before righting himself in time to take out a Vorcha that was almost on Jacob.

If he lived through this, I was going to kill him later for convincing me to bring him.

CLINIC signs dotted the way we took, some lit but most shot up, presumedly by angry mercs. So it was with no small amount of relief when I rounded the corner by one such sign and saw humans behind a desk and assorted alien species dotting the room. Two large mech units were at the far side of the room, guns aimed straight at the door.

"No funny business in here," one of the humans admonished, emboldened by the mechs guarding the door, before turning back to her terminal.

Ignoring her, I holstered my gun and turned toward Garrus. He gave me a nod, then spread his arms in a shrug. "See Shepard, right as rain," he said, then his body jerked and he doubled up in pain. I rushed to his side, sliding his arms across my shoulders; Jacob was right there too taking the other side. "Where is Doctor Solis?" I snarled at the assistant.

She gave me an annoyed look over the terminal but pointed toward the rear of the clinic. "End of the hall down there, but there's a waiting period before anyone... Hey!"

I moved down the corridor, passing several sick aliens, a few of which were also Turian. Several looked to be in advance stages of the disease; odd-shaped boils or sores were across parts of their body and they looked emaciated. I'd never seen a Turian outside of it's protective suit before; the patient's skin was tough, almost metallic, but its body looked almost fragile, as if one wrong bend would break their narrow waists. The Turian was breathing comfortably despite its outer wasted appearance, and I could only hope this meant the Doctor had found a cure.

Muffled chatter came from a room to the side and we moved that direction. A Salarian I could only assume was Doctor Solis was mumbling nonstop to another human assistant who looked to be taking notes on his omni-tool. He took note of our arrival immediately and scanned us with his own arm tool.

Doctor Solis was one of the strangest Salarians I had met. His brain and mouth seemed to have no barrier; you could hear him thinking, the rapidfire conversations he had with himself. All I cared about at the moment, however, was that he had a cure and Garrus' breathing was no longer labored and he could stand on his own. The doctor had taken to pacing, theorizing aloud on our presence; satisfied Garrus was okay I approached the Salarian, hands out in front. "Relax Mordin. I'm Commander Shepard and I came here to find you. I'm on a critical mission and I need your help."

"Mission? What mission? No. Too busy. Clinic understaffed. Plague spreading too fast. Who sent you?"

I took a deep breath and waded into the conversation. Mordin, while intrigued about the plague/Collectors possible connection, was more interested in the plague than coming with me, which I could understand. He was informing me about the cure's distribution and the Vorcha guarding the fans when the ventilation stopped.

"Garrus, stay here."

"Shepard, I'm fine." Garrus attempted to prove his coordination by unslinging his gun from his shoulder, but botched it by fumbling and almost dropping the rifle.

I stormed up to him until we were face to face. "Do not make me shoot you to keep you still," I threatened, done with his heroics. "Stay here with the doctor; Jacob and I can take care of this."

Garrus' mandibles tightened in what I guessed was disapproval, then he nodded. "Very well Shepard."

The Vorcha turned out to be easy to handle. They confirmed the connection with the Collectors, but while they had superior numbers they weren't the most creative when it came to attack strategy. Less than half an hour later the fans were again running, circulating the cure throughout the slums.

Mordin agreed to come with us, which was a welcome bit of news. A quick visit to Aria (who seemed to appreciate the datapad I'd swiped from the Blue Suns) and I was back in my quarters, going through my messages. Chakwas' comments on my scars were note-worthy; "mind over matter", or an extensive upgrade to the Normandy's current med bay. A note from Captain Anderson wishing to speak with me. Another dossier, this one for a bounty hunter named Zaeed Massani. I blinked a bit at the spam; my account hadn't been active long enough, I thought, to get these kinds of messages.

But nothing from the one I desperately needed to hear from. I had been trying, in vain it appeared, to get in contact with Kaidan; so far my messages had either gone unread or been bounced back to me. Most of the information available through proper channels indicated he'd dropped off the radar not long after I'd disappeared; even Cerberus' intel had little data on his status.

His face stared at me from atop my desk. It wasn't as if I needed the reminder; I could still see him in my head, the easy smile and trusting expression. I pushed away from my desk, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. It seemed like only a couple weeks had passed since the night before Ilos; I could not, no matter how hard I tried, get my mind around the fact that it had been two years. So much could have happened, and I had no idea what I would be stepping into.

I did, however, know a good place to start and hit my radio. "Joker, set a course for Citadel space."

"Roger that Commander."

I got up and fed the fish before heading to my new bathroom. Letting the sink run for a bit, I splashed some water on my face then began studying my reflection. Even now, after two weeks being "alive" again, it still felt as though a stranger stared back at me. I touched the new scars on my face I couldn't remember getting; those I'd had before had vanished, repaired by the cybernetic implants still partially visible beneath my skin. Those battle scars had been as familiar to me as my eyes, my nose; a memorium of sorts to those I had lost. Not having them there had transformed my face into someone I didn't know.

My door chimed, knocking me out of my reverie. "Come in," I called, patting my face dry and moving out into the main room. Garrus look fascinated by the fish in the tank; I cleared my throat and watched with some amusement as he jumped around to look at me.

"I, uh, wanted to apologize for today." He moved past me toward the couch, but instead of sitting seemed content to pace. "It was irresponsible of me to put you in danger like I did, coming with you on the mission. You were right, you should have taken the Cerberus human with you instead."

Hearing the words felt like a hollow victory, and I stopped him with a raised hand. "It all turned out for the best, Garrus. You were healed, we got the doctor. Mission accomplished."

"But it could have..."

"But it didn't." I emphasized the last word as I approached him. It was obvious he was nervous, or regretful of his actions, and I sought to alleviate that. "Garrus, despite the what-ifs and might-have-beens, I was glad to have you at my back today. _Glad_. Today was the first time I didn't have the stress, that god-awful knowledge that I couldn't trust who was with me." I gave a little laugh. "You don't know how much I needed that break."

He nodded but I could see he was still regretful; his gaze darted around a bit before settling back on me. "I did notice, actually. You've changed since I last saw you - you're harder, angrier, don't seem to care as much anymore."

I flinched at the words and saw Garrus' face fall. "I said something to offend you," he said, mandibles drooping. "I'm still trying to learn the subtleties of interspecies interactions..."

"No, it's not that." Well, yes it was, but it just confirmed my own observations. 'Mind over matter' indeed. "I just...." Walking over to my desk I stared at the medals hanging in the shadowbox on the wall. "I should be more able to acclimate to these changes, but it's like I can't bring myself to." I shook my head, chuckling humorlessly. "Ignore me, I don't need to be burdening you with my problems. You have enough of your own."

"Perhaps." I looked over to see him studying me, his face unreadable. "You're one of the most remarkable human beings I've ever met, Shepard. I don't think you should beat yourself up too much for actually having feelings."

I looked askance at him, unsure how to respond, then simply changed the subject. "Any news on your target?"

Garrus shook his head. "I have contacts all through the galaxy looking for any signs. Sidonis wasn't a professional; it's only a matter of time before he slips up."

"We're heading into the Citadel, hopefully you can find something there."

"Yes, hopefully," he replied right as my door chimed again. The doors opened at my beckoning and Jacob strode into the room, coming to a stop as he spied Garrus. "Commander," he said, saluting, but casting suspicious glances in the Turian's direction.

I frowned at Jacob's retreating back until the elevator doors had swished closed behind him. "I know I asked this before, but…"

"No, Shepard, no problems with the crew." Garrus scratched behind his neck. "I think his response is from a different source."

I turned my frown on the Turian, who didn't return my gaze, puzzled by what he meant, then shrugged. "He wants me to trust him, but he's going to have to earn it. They can think what they like, as long as it doesn't get in the way of following orders."

"Indeed." He inclined his head toward me. "I was coming to check up on you, but now I need to check on the progress of the weapons system upgrades."

I smiled at the alien. "Thanks for the thought, I appreciate it." He turned to leave as another thought struck me. "Garrus, what happened with Aidan after I… left?"

The Turian paused, then looked back at me. "He wasn't the same after your disappearance. I don't know what he did with his life, however, the crew all went their separate ways pretty soon afterward the Normandy was lost."

I nodded and watched him leave, then went back to my desk. Picking up the picture, I stared at the familiar face and wondered yet again how much had changed while I was sleeping.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you for the reviews! The previous chapters were a lot of rehashing of gameplay; while that's fun to tweak, it's not what I want to write (I'm more into the characters themselves and the interactions therein). So if you're still with this story thanks for wading through familiar territory, and I hope you enjoy how Shepard evolves from here on out. :) Note: I "played" this character as a Soldier/Earthborn/Paragon in the previous "game" (save the council, let a lot of people/creatures live, etc); the background carried over but she's not so naive or optimistic anymore in this story._

_Bushes283: No Garrus never actually mentions the similarities between his squad and Shepard's in the Sole Survivor/War Hero scenerios. I just figured that Shepard would see the parallels._

**=-=-=-=-=-=-=**

**4**

"You always do take me to the classiest joints in the galaxy, Shepard."

"Garrus, please tell me why I brought you with me again?"

"Because you can't get enough of my good looks and charming personality."

A guard stuck his head up from behind a crate and I unloaded on him with the assault rifle; he flew backwards and out of sight. "Yeah, because that's all you're good for anyway."

"Ooh, touche." Garrus hadn't moved a bit while he spoke, lining up a longer range sniper shot. The high powered rifle echoed through the large room and I saw a figure reel out from a hiding spot on the rafters above then fall to the ground below. "We're clear."

Trusting his judgment I left my cover, my gun at the ready as I headed toward the far end of the chamber. Miranda moved ahead and up a walkway to the left while Garrus covered the crates to the right.

Bringing Miranda hadn't been my original plan as I still didn't trust the woman. After taking on Doctor Solis, we'd gone to the Citadel where I'd finally been able to talk to Captain Anderson. Correction: Councelor Anderson. The old man had certainly seemed happy to see me, but had clammed up when I started asking him questions. He'd out and out refused to answer any questions about Kaidan's whereabouts, deeming it "classified" and I'd known better than to press. Speaking with the council hadn't been any better: they'd completely downplayed the incident with Sovereign, rewriting it to simply being a Geth attack. I'd had to swallow a lot of pride to accept their offer of renewed Spectre status; the dubious "honor" was hollow, but the title could come useful later on.

The whole experience had hit home with the fact that Cerberus, despite it being a ruthless organization, was at least _doing_ something. I couldn't blame Anderson; I believed him when he said he was trying, it simply wasn't hard enough. Then Miranda had pulled me aside when I returned to the Normandy and insisted, cautiously, that she would be a good addition to missions and could be trusted. Seeing as I was going to be picking up The Convict next, which was an exchange Cerberus had itself set up, I didn't see any reason not to bring her and so far she'd aquitted herself well.

Then the mission had gone all to shit.

I pulled up to a dead guard near the door, kneeling down to examine the body. His hadn't been a clean death; the body was mutilated, torn to pieces with the hands hacked off and lying several yards away and the face broken. You could barely even recognize it as Turian anymore.

"Prisoners most likely," Miranda commented, moving up behind me. "Looks like they used handmade tools to do this. Wonder how many he took down before they swarmed him."

Not a pretty thought. I wondered just how many prisoners I had set free to get Jack out but couldn't waste time pondering the what-ifs. Standing back up I made my way to the door and peeked around quickly before storming into the room. It was obvious Jack had come through here; burn marks dotted the area around the destroyed mechs, but there were no more dead bodies of prisoners or guards. We ducked through a hole in a nearby wall leading to another large storage facility, this one dimly lit by emergency lighting high in the rafters. Navigation was slow around the crates and heavy cranes; explosions and screaming could be heard in the distance, and I didn't want to be surprised by anything while...

A scraping noise from atop the crate beside me, and before I could turn my gun up something fell on me. My rifle went skittering off into the darkness as I grappled with my attacker as more bodies, giving wild cries, poured on us from all sides. Garrus and Miranda laid down gunfire, Miranda using her Warp ability to hold off some of the horde and illuminate the area. The Salarian on me, a yowling maniacal thing with one of its eyes gone, was trying to slice me with a homemade shiv; he very nearly did too before I managed to push him off me and shoot him through its remaining eye with my pistol.

I had no time before I was jumped by another two bodies; one I managed to knock back by butting it in the head with my gun but the other tackled me and for the second time I went down. We grappled, rolling around until he was atop me and trying to wrench my pistol from my hand. I pushed him up with one arm, struggling to free my gun hand from his grip, then I heard sniper fire and his head exploded on me. I didn't even blink; freeing my gun I shot the second prisoner, a Batarian, who was coming at me again. He went down as I pushed the body off me and saw the remainder of the prisoners were scattering back into the darkness. Sniper fire sounded a I heard some squeals in the darkness, then just the sound of flames and far off screams again.

"Nice shot," I murmured to Garrus, looking for my assault rifle.

"Figured you'd like the help."

I searched around then breathed a sigh of relief when I saw my assault rifle hadn't been taken by the prisoners; nestled in the shadows of one of the large cranes, it was difficult to see. "Meh," I replied, giving the weapon a quick once over, "I could have taken him."

"Of course." Skepticism laced Garrus' voice and in the darkness I grinned.

We followed the light through a door on the opposite end of the room, taking extra care about further ambushes but nothing more attacked us in that room. The next room, however, was a different story: the Warden stood triumphant behind an energy barrier while prison guards started shooting at us immediately upon us enterin the room.

"Looks like the quickest way to the docks is through that shield," Miranda called out over the gunfire. "The only other way involves a lot of walking and with the way this ship is breaking up I don't recommend it."

"Simple enough then." I wanted to get that bastard Warden anyway so it didn't bother me that...

"Shepard!" Garrus' shout got my attention just before something hit me from the side. I went sailing through the air just as a plasma cannon shot exploded the spot I'd been hiding behind. My landing was pretty soft but the body beneath me gave a little grunt as we slid along the ground and beneath the crane mechanism.

My heart thudded in my chest; that had been too close. I realized I was lying atop Garrus, nearly face to face with the Turian; our eyes met and I felt his sigh of relief. Gunfire rained over us but we were safe for the moment.

"Seems you owe me one, Shepard."

"In your dreams, buddy." Assault rifle in hand I tried to stand and return fire but was held captive by Garrus' talons around my waist. "Let go," I hissed.

"Not that way." He rolled me over and set me on the floor, then crawled the rest of the way under the crane; I followed him, climbing up the railings to the next level. I'd never seen a Turian sneak before; Garrus' movements were cat-like in their fluidity. He slunk behind a crate nearby and began setting up his position to snipe the unsuspecting guards who had focused on Miranda's and our previous position.

Screw preparation. I stood up from behind my position and began hammering the guards with automatic fire. The incendiary rounds burned through their shields and they went down one by one; I ducked back behind the crane as the gunfire turned back our direction. A Warp field appeared near one group of guards, holding them in place long enough for me to eliminate them, and I knew Miranda was still in the game.

We made our way around the room, taking out the guards and, one by one, the towers supplying power to the shield. Miranda showed her worth in battle, her powers providing enough distraction and hinderance for the guards to let Garrus and I take them out. Once the towers were gone we made short work of the Warden; despite all his posturing and haughty words, he went down quickly once the shield was gone.

We stocked up quickly on ammo from the downed guards and other items around the room when Garrus pointed my attention to a small figure running across the level above us.

Jack was cursing and throwing what amounted to a tantrum as we entered the gangway leading to the docks. She seemed oblivious to the guard lining up a shot behind her so I took him out, gaining her attention. "What the hell do you want?"

Oh, this was going to be fun. "I just saved your ass."

"He was already dead, he just didn't know it yet." She started pacing. "Now what the hell do you want?"

"My name's Shepard; I'm here to get you out of here."

She motioned disdainfully at the Normandy. "I'm not going anywhere with you," she spat. "You're Cerberus."

"I'm not with Cerberus."

"Then why do you have one of their ships?"

I didn't have time for this. "This place is going down in flames; I'm offering you a way off and you're arguing."

That made Jack pause; she looked at the Normandy again, frowning.

"We could just knock her out and take her," Miranda suggested, coming up beside me.

"You'll have to kill me," Jack snarled. "Look, you want me to come, make it worth my while."

Behind me something big collapsed; it was far enough away not to be an immediate threat but close enough to remind me the urgency of getting out of here. "What were you thinking?"

"Give me access to the Cerberus databased. I want to look at those files, see what they have on me."

"Done."

"Shepard!" Miranda's tone was sharp. "You're not authorized to do that!"

"Ooh, it upsets the cheerleader -- even better." Jack's voice was smug but turned serious as she added, "You'd better be straight up with me." When I nodded, she stepped away. "So what are we standing around here for then?" she asked nonchalantly.

I activated my radio. "Normandy, we're ready to come aboard."

"Roger that Commander."

"Shepard," Miranda called from a nearby console, "the override controls to get to the Normandy require the Warden's authorization code or fingerprint. This is going to take a while for me to hack..."

"No need." I tossed a small wrapped object over to her; it made a meaty thunk as it hit the console. The Turian Warden's hand rolled out and Miranda turned green. "Just be glad you didn't say retinal scans."

Beside me Jack's face split into a wide grin. "Oh yeah, you and me gonna get along REAL well, Shepard."


	5. Chapter 5

_Aargh! Apologies for the delay. This was The Chapter That Would Not - wouldn't get written, wouldn't STAY written, wouldn't work, wouldn't do this or that. I'm still not 100% happy with it but it's time to move on. I'm already well into the next chapter and am noticing a trend of them getting longer. That's not necessarily a bad thing, right?_

_If there are any typos/grammar/errors PLEASE let me know, as it makes me plum loco when they're mentioned but I can't find them. I'm doing this on Notepad or Wordpad so no spellcheck. *sweatdrop*  
_

_As before, I own none of these characters. Plushies of a few would be nice though. ;)_

_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=_

**5**

The picture of Kaidan Alenko still stared at me from atop my desk. I inspected it from my entryway, welcoming the numbness that had enveloped me only an hour before.

_Shepard, I think we have them! _The Illusive Man, his voice triumphant. _Horizon, one of our colonies in the Terminus Systems, just went silent. _

_There's something else you should know: one of your former crew, Kaidan Alenko, is stationed on Horizon._

Walking over to the wall of my quarters, I turned the music on. A raucous cacophany poured through the room; I jacked the volume up as loud as I could, trying to drown my thoughts.

_Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. _

_And a ghost._

My ears were vibrating with the music but I ignored the discomfort, sitting down at my desk and accessing my terminal. I needed to stop with the silliness; there were things I needed to do, reports and messages to be checked. I hadn't even known Kaidan long enough to really develop any permanent bond with him...

_So, you're with Cerberus now._

My hands atop the terminal's keyboard began to tremble.

_You turned your back on everything we believe in. You betrayed the Alliance. _

_You betrayed me._

His words echoed again in my head and I flinched. I clung to the mantle of calm even as pain flickered on the edges of the numbness. Everything was fine, just focus on the new messages...

_I can't believe the reports were right._

My jaw clenched, muscles slowly contracting across my body. Anger built - so much more welcome than the pain I'd been running from. He'd known I was alive, hadn't bothered to even _try_ and contact me...

_I thought we had something Shepard, something real. I ... I loved you._

Abandoning my terminal, I stood and snatched the picture off my desk. The numbness was fading rapidly, anger quickly filling its place. Kaidan's smug smile stared out at me from the screen; clenching my fist around the edge of the frame, I made an effort to calm myself but the anger boiled over. _I trusted you, Kaidan, _I thought, glaring at the picture trembling in my _abandoned _me_, you selfish, ego-testicle little prick..._

There was a flash, then sparks flew from the frame as it broke apart in my hand. Startled I dropped it and stepped away; it continued to fizzle and snap for a few seconds on the ground, Kaidan's face replaced by a crack through the blank screen.

I eyed the broken frame for a moment then snorted, turning toward the elevator. EDI popped up as I passed her console. "We have entered Omega, Commander Shepard, and Mr. Moreau is commencing docking procedures."

"I need a drink." The words popped out of my mouth unbidden, but I latched onto them. "Inform Miranda she has the ship, I'm heading to Omega."

There was a small beep from the AI, then it responded, "Yes Commander."

The doors swished open and I stepped forward, only to realize there was someone else in front of me. Garrus. "Shepard." He sounded surprised to see me. "I was on my way up to see..."

"No, you're buying me a drink." I snagged his arm and pulled him back with me onto the elevator; he came willingly enough but from his stumble I could tell he was confused. Tonight, however, I needed somebody with me, someone I trusted - the Turian was perfect.

"About what happened on the planet," Garrus started as the elevator reached the CIC deck.

"No." A whiplash command. "We aren't talking about that." _Not now, not ever again_. The doors swished open and I stalked out of the elevator, down the gangway to the exit hatch. Someone called my name but I ignored them, breezing past Joker and through the airlock. I spared one look behind me to see if Garrus was indeed following but otherwise said nothing at all.

The sounds of Afterlife were going strong even from the docking bay and my mind, foolishly perhaps, ignored everything else around me. Rounding the corner from the Normandy's port however, a Batarian barged into me, knocking me back into Garrus. My gun was in my hand an instant later but the Batarian, who reeled from the impact but caught himself quickly, continued pellmell down the docking chute.

A pistol shot rang out from the opposite direction and with a squeal the Batarian went down. I turned my weapon on the gunman, a human; beside me Garrus did the same.

The gunman had already lowered his pistol however, paying us very little mind as he sauntered toward the Batarian. In the dim light I made out his features; familiar, at least by reputation of his dossier, and I lowered my gun. "You Zaeed Massani?" I asked as he came abreast of us.

He stopped and looked over at me. "Depends, who's asking?"

"Commander Shepard of the Normandy."

"Then yeah, that's me." He glanced at the Batarian but it didn't look like it would be going anywhere; it made pained noises but stayed on the ground. "I hear we have a galaxy to save."

I studied the mercenary's patchwork face. A recessed scar circled one milky eye, puckering the flesh it surrounded. Whatever wound had created that had to have been grievous but there had been little in the dossier concerning the merc's personal background. Weapons and tactics skills, certainly; otherwise Cerberus hadn't thought it worth the extra bits of data. Both eyes however shone with a keen intelligence and suspicion; his body language bespoke confidence and no small amount of arrogance.

This one could be dangerous. Perfect: he'd fit in perfectly with the Normandy's new crew. "I assume you've been briefed?" I asked, shaking his hand.

"I've done my homework; Cerberus sent me everything I need to know. They're paying me a lot of money to help with this little mission of yours; that's the long and short of it."

Figured as much. I glanced at the wounded alien; it was whining pitifully in helpless supplication, but I couldn't dredge up any pity. My squad hadn't fought in the Skyllian Blitz but we had done some cleanup duty afterwards, and even since then I'd never met a decent Batarian. This one was just more pitiful than the rest. "I'd been told we'd be picking up one man. Not two."

Zaeed snorted. "Batarian delinquent. Tried to lead me on a chase through the Systems, but they always run here to Omega."

The Batarian stirred, looking up at Garrus and I with imploring eyes. "Please," it murmured, "I didn't do it--"

"I said, shut it!" Zaeed lifted a booted foot and slammed it across the alien's face; it fell back to the ground, making mewling sounds but not trying to get up again. I frowned and beside me Garrus twitched at the violence; I rested a hand on his suit and he subsided.

I could tell there was more to this story, but for the moment I decided to shelve my curiosity. "Report to the Normandy when you're done with your current assignment." I flicked a glance between the Batarian and the bounty hunter but refused to allow my misgivings to show.

"I assume the Illusive Man told you about our arrangement?"

I'd turned to go but stopped at his words. _There's always a catch_, I thought morosely. "No, he decided to leave that information out of the dossier."

"Glad I asked. Picked myself up a mission a while ago. Ever heard of Vido Santiago?" I shook my head and he continued. "He's head of the Blue Suns, runs the whole organization. Seems he captured a refinery on Zorya recently and is using the workers for slave labor. Company wants it dealt with."

Sounded reasonable. "I'll see we get that done."

"Good, get it out of the way so we can focus on being big goddamn heroes." He advanced on the Batarian, waving his gun, and the Batarian struggled to stand on one good leg.

"A great crew we're building here, Shepard." Garrus' voice was low as we watched the two depart back down the gangway, Zaeed prodding his prisoner forward with the gun.

I had more than a few misgivings about the situation myself, although possibly for different reasons than Garrus thought. Zaeed didn't seem the kind of man who gave his loyalty to just anyone - hell, I doubted one could pay enough to get it. There had been no respect in his tone; we'd have to earn that, I suspected.

Not sure what I'd have to do to gain it, or whether I'd eventually want it.

Garrus and I exchanged looks, then I shrugged. "This wasn't what I'd intended for tonight, but hey, two birds with one stone." I punched quick directions into my omni-tool to EDI, then nudged Garrus. "Come on, Omega awaits."

Meeting with Zaeed had dampened some of the anger, but by the time we got to the entrance of Afterlife I was once again ready for action. I made my way straight to the closest bar once we got into the club; it was crowded, but reloading my pistol cleared me a path real quick. I sat down on a stool, put the gun on the bar, and motioned for two drinks. The Turian bartender eyed the gun for a moment then shrugged and set me up.

"Shepard." Garrus' concerned voice came from beside me but I ignored him; both shots got downed in rapid succession, and I motioned for a refill which the bartender obliged. "Have anything stronger?" I asked right before downing the two he'd just poured.

The bartender snorted and reached behind him for a different bottle, refilling only one of the glasses, taking the other away. "Try this and tell me if it's strong enough."

It hit me instantly; I gagged, my entire face going numb as the liquid made its way down into my stomach. "Another," I choked out, to the amusement of the bartender.

A hand pulled on my shoulder and I turned, ready to fight, only to see Garrus before me. "Shepard, are you sure..."

"Oh, stuff it Garrus." I picked up the glass of liquor; the liquid swirled green and pink. "Get him something too - hell, two of something." Then I downed the glass as the bartender obligingly set up my Turian friend.

I knew the moment the liquor hit my brain because I started smiling. "Come on Garrus, drink up," I said, giving the Turian a slap on the back of his armor. He gave me a bemused look before picking up one of his shots and downing it. "That's my boy," I fairly crowed, then whooped as he downed the second glass. "Another round for me and my friend here."

"So, the plan is to get as drunk as possible tonight?" Garrus stared at the pale liquid in his refilled glass, swirling it around a bit before looking at me.

"Yup." I gazed at the Turian, grinning broadly. My head already felt lighter. "It's been forever since I've done this; I can't remember why I don't anymore." I downed the drink the bartender had given me, then gasped as my head heated up. "That's...different stuff," I wheezed at the bartender.

"Want another?" he rumbled, waving the bottle in front of my face.

Garrus, however, waved the bartender off. "I think that's enough for now."

I gave the Turian a disdainful snort, then grabbed his remaining glass of liquid. "You going to drink this, or should I?"

Alarm showed on the faces of both the bartender and Garrus, who promptly took the glass out of my hand. I laughed merrily, then stumbled off the stool. "I'm going for a walk." Spontaneous, but it sounded like a wonderful idea; I took off across the club and down the corridor leading to the lower portion of the club.

As I entered the lower section I immediately saw two Batarians at a nearby booth shaking down a lone Salarian; one of the multi-eyed aliens was blatantly holding a gun to the Salarian's side. My grin grew; still riding high on the euphoria of the liquor, I sauntered over and slung my arms across the shoulders of both Batarians. "Hello boys," I drawled, startling both into bolting upright. That threw me off balance; I staggered back a step but when I saw the gun start moving toward me I reacted instinctively, grabbing both aliens by the neck and bringing their heads together as hard as I could.

Must've tagged it perfectly, I thought with amusement as they both crumpled in a heap. The Salarian bolted out of the booth and through the door of the club; I waggled my fingers after him then took the seat he'd vacated.

"Shepard, is this wise?" Garrus sat down in the booth across from me, looking down at the two Batarians at our feet before looking at me.

"Oh c'mon, I'm just having some fun!" I was slurring my words but couldn't care less; it was funny, really, which surely explained why I was giggling.

"If this is about Kaidan, what he said to you today..."

A memory nagged at the corner of my brain; it was dark and I didn't want to see it. "What?" I called. "I can't hear you!"

"I don't know what Alenko was thinking, leaving you like that," Garrus insisted loudly; he looked uncomfortable trying to talk about the din. "It doesn't matter if you work with Cerberus; you're a good person Shepard, forget what he said."

I laughed in Garrus' face, startling the Turian. I couldn't seem to stop; what he'd said was hilarious. He didn't know me at all! "Oh Garrus," I said, my tone pitying as I put a hand to his cheek in a melodramatic fashion, "I am so very," - I leaned in close to the Turian until I was only inches away from his face - "_very_ bad, but nobody knows. Ha!" The cosmic joke! "Nobody knows a damned thing."

I patted his cheek as confusion lit the Turian's eyes, but my attention was already wandering. The music's beat poured through me, and I could see bodies moving nearby. "I wanna dance." The world teetered as I stood up from the booth, nearly tripping over the two bodies still at our feet, but staggered toward the dance floor. I caught myself a few times on nearby chairs but once I reached the other dancers there was nothing but the music.

My eyes closed as I let the music take me away. Memories of a time so very long ago: my body moved instinctively, swaying in muscle memory as the harmonies flowed around me. I lost where I was, just let the rhythm take me like it always did; forget the world, the pain, and let there be only the music. Just like it always used to - like it still did. The music changed, then changed again, and each time I changed with it. Time blurred; I danced, drank, danced some more. Everything ran together, lost in a sea of people, just me and myself...

Hands caressed up my sides. A body beat to the music with mine; not hindering but following, enhancing. Grinning, eyes still shut, I moved with the Other, allowing my hips small flourishes, draping my arms across shoulders when the same body moved in front of me. Head to head, breast to breast, we moved together to the music and I was lost behind my lids and in the fog of my own mind.

A lull in the music, breath on my ear. "You are exquisite." A soft voice yet full of authority; the words were the truth because they were hers and I reveled in them. My eyes slid open: an Asari was before me, hands caressing my waist, her body moving in fluid rhythm to the beat of the music all around us. Lips against my head: "You are exquisite, as you are dangerous. Am I right?"

My eyes fluttered close; my body thrummed like a plucked wire. I leaned into the voice, letting my own hands follow the paths hers led over my body, caressing similar curves and valleys. Another Asari came to mind - _Liara_ - and with it the memory of what I could have had if I'd made a different choice. Perhaps now I can try what I turned down then...

Something else took my arm - rough skin, gentle but not to the music - and pulled me away from the Other. "Shepard, we need to leave." A familiar voice - trusted - but not wanted. I tried to shake off the grip but it only grew tighter and pulled me away from the beat.

Lashing out, my fist met with resistance that skinned my knuckles; the brief pain lifted the fog on my brain, giving me a moment of clarity. "Leave me the fuck alone, Garrus," I snarled, but the hand didn't let go of me as I was pulled off the dance floor. My hand reached for the gun on my hip, but came up empty; confusion blossomed and I stumbled before remembering my other weapon. I had barely removed the smaller firearm from around my thigh, however, when it was ripped from my hand - then the world flipped on end and started moving sideways. Shock kept me immobile; colors scrolled sideways, a dizzying confusion, and didn't stop until the din and beat of the club was only a distant hum.

It took a while before my brain realized I was being carried over a narrow shoulder and I started to struggle. My feet touched earth again; I stumbled but a strong grip held me upright. They let go when I fought; I reeled back onto a dinghy wall. The slums of Omega.

"We should return to the Normandy, Shepard."

I peered up at Garrus, blinking. He returned my stare, as unreadable as ever. "No," I said, my voice firm - slurred perhaps, but definitely firm. "I'm going back in there." I stumbled back toward the lights but something was in my way.

"Shepard, please, stop this."

That familiar, gentle voice again - now I was getting pissed. I wanted that Asari's hands on me again, the lights and painful drinks, the music - the silence in this place was drowning me. "I'm going to fuck something tonight, Garrus." The words tumbled out; phrases from a forgotten past mixed with the now. The euphoria was gone; now there was just the need to touch, feel. I turned back toward the music but was stopped by armor; I pushed at it but it wouldn't budge. "Get out of my way."

"Something felt off in there Shepard; I'm not sure what but I didn't like it."

Calm voice, stoic, and absolutely _infuriating_. I slapped the armor, hard; there was a pop and this time the Turian stumbled backwards. "Out of my way!" I shouted.

Garrus paused a moment, gazing at me, then said simply, "No."

The pistol was in my hand before I knew what I was doing, but before I could bring it up Garrus was already there, wrenching it out of my hands. I launched myself at him, propelling him into the shadows behind the crates - my stomach cramped at the motion but I ignored it. He took my attack with surprising grace; less than a second later he had me pinned between a wall and his armor. I gave an enraged yell but he held my arms firmly beside my head.

"Shepard, stop." His tone one of pleading but his face was as unreadable to me as ever. "I know this is about Kaidan--"

Anger boiled over: I didn't want to hear that name. "Shut up!"

His mandibles flared, widening his jawline. "You need to talk to somebody, dammit. Don't punish yourself like this."

He sounded angry now; good. Anger I could deal with. So much easier than the implacable calm he always exhibited.

His inscrutable face studied me, so close to my own. "If I let you down," he said a moment later, voice no longer as heated, "do you promise you won't attack again?"

My mind, however, had already moved in a different direction entirely. I glanced sideways at his talons holding my wrists then chuckled, the sound a throaty approval. "Oh," I purred, eye to eye, "I guess you'll do nicely."

His face registered confusion - funny how I could tell _that_ expression - and he stepped away, letting go of my wrists. I wasn't letting him get away that quickly however; he'd started this, and by god he was going to finish it. Wrapping my legs around his narrow waist, I grabbed his armor for purchase; the damaged area scraped my palm but I barely felt it. He stumbled back a step, me wrapped around him; his hands flailed for an instant before settling on my waist.

"Whatsa matter Garrus?" I murmured, cocking my head to the side as I studied him. "Afraid of what the little human might do to you?"

I had him tongue-tied; it was enough to make me laugh out loud. I grinned, running my fingers softly down the side of his scarred cheek and he flinched. This close I could see more about Turian facial anatomy than I'd ever cared to notice before; the armored skin, even on the "softer" bits around the eyes and mouth; his tattoos, partially erased on one side from the damage he'd taken from the gunship; the texture of the extraneous mandibles on each side of his jaw; the razor sharp teeth in his mouth. "Mmmm." That last bit held my interest; I made a low sound of appreciation, looking him square in the eye. "I always did like knife-play."

He gave a ragged breath and his hands spasmed on my waist. I ran a finger across the ridge of his crest, tracing the line of scales along the top of his head, and felt his whole body shudder; the movement prompted a feral grin to stretch across my mouth. Then his hands grabbed my shoulders, pushing me away. "Shepard, please." His voice was strained, eyes pleading.

I growled in frustration, then a shard of clarity sliced through my mind; what I was doing felt wrong, but couldn't seem to stop myself. Confusion blossomed and I looked around the area; Vorcha scuttled in the shadows and music was still pouring from the nearby door to Afterlife. "Garrus, I just… I…" I frowned, struggling to put my thoughts into words but they were too jumbled. All the emotions I'd been trying to bury were surging to the surface, unfettered now by the alcohol I'd stupidly consumed. Faces began cycling through my head; Ashley with the bomb, my old squad on Akuze, Charlie back on earth...

To my utter dismay a sob choked me. My breathing sped up, futile desperation overwhelming me. I grabbed Garrus' mandibles; he jerked back but I held on, staring him straight in the eye. The effort I made to stop the tears was fruitless and only served to sink me deeper into depression. "I can't stop feeling it all, Garrus." _Make the pain go away._ "Too many deaths, too much of it my fault, and they call me a hero." I couldn't make myself coherent, just begged him with my eyes to stop it all, let me forget.

Garrus looked as confused as I felt, his talon comin to cup my shoulder, but I never got to find out what he would have said. My limbs were weakening, turning to leaden lumps; my grip on the alien's armor slackened involuntarily as my head lolled back, muscles no longer able or willing to support it. My stomach suddenly twisted, a burning bolt of pain shooting through my head. I arched backward, letting go of Garrus; I'd have fallen if he wasn't still holding me. The fire in my belly radiated like spikes through my body as a roaring filled my ears. I heard Garrus call my name, his voice anxious. I wretched, coughed into my hand - stared in confusion at the blood I saw. Then my body seized, every muscle constricting and spasming; my mouth opened in a silent scream but nothing would come out.

The last thing I knew was booted footsteps pounding the ground as the white light of pain consumed me.


End file.
